literature

My hope for 2013

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nosugarjustanger's avatar
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Literature Text

I want to mean something big in someone's world. Not too big that it consumes their whole life, but not little that they don't know my real name. Somewhere in between swallowing me whole and having a love bite, would be nice.

I remember seeing you, for the first time in my life while I was standing at the club where I was working as a door bitch. Your eyes caught mine and instantly, I knew there was something. Who knew that you would be the first one to teach me about love and how much I was willing to do for love? But of course, you'd break my heart – but not immediately. It took you over a year to finally push me off that cliff.

And then I remember you, so innocent and pure, looking for beer and I was your Girl. I thought that you looked immaculate – almost divine. You're no Adonis, but one look at you and I know that you've not experienced the pain of heartbreak. To me, that's beautiful. With you, I thought I could start over again, be brand new, and be myself again without the baggage of the world. But no, it was a life in a rose garden – hidden thorns and blooming flowers. People could only see how happy I was, being taken to places and pampered with new and newer things. I was a symbol in your life that you gladly showed off to your friends and kept me from others' gaze. I was a house pet – and I ran away from the conveniences and the life comforts, in hopes that I'd find something better out there.

And I thought I did, but I was wrong.

But now I know what I don't want. I am not sure of everything that I really want in life, but I know that I do not want a man who picks his job over me. I do not want a man who doesn't remember my real name. I do not want a man who makes me feel guilty for having friends while he is out there, sharing his phone numbers to drunk, college bitches. I do not want a man who sees the worst in me and makes no apology about hurting me when he's hurt. I do not want a man to be defensive around me when I am vulnerable.  I don't want a man who promises me to buy me everything but gives nothing in terms of attention.

I want a man who is tall and comfortable enough to let others look at me and not make sarcastic jokes about them. I want a man who stops sneaking into my life to comment on every little detail (because if I don't ask for your opinion about it, I really do not give a fuck.) I want a man who listens well and not make conversations all about him. I want a man who looks at me as a person, and not a sum of my body parts. I want a man who is capable of being my best friend, who cares about my feelings and not resort to passive-aggressive methods to get a rise out of me. I want a man who does not speak about his ambitions, but makes things happen. I want a man who wants me to be with him, not to possess me, not to own me, and not to smother me with his relentless bullshit.

In other words, I'm looking for the real deal and when I know that to be someone special to someone, it'll take time to find the person. And for that reason, I believe that I am going to break a few hearts and get my heart broken many times. I really plan to make 2013 a year where I'm just going to be by myself, and watch how the World carries on without even looking back on the past events and try to learn from the cool, and calm way it goes on while people are busy making a lot of noise about the Mayans' prediction, the melting glaciers and dolphins.

I plan to just go about my life, occasionally fuck someone because I can, and make no apologies for any of my actions.

That is my plan for 2013.
My thoughts over a cup of tea.

This is my plan for 2013.

... And for those who are bothered by this, you can go fuck yourself.
© 2012 - 2024 nosugarjustanger
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tbonelafs's avatar
"To thine own self be true"...nice work here!