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Something quite non-fictional.
Something experimental.
Something someone has gone through... and still haunts him.
Something I know of him, that makes himself a special somebody...

But I'm only one of those who builds dreams
That are more likely to tumble.

Preview pic taken from [link]
Thanks to

I took about an hour to do this... and it's not that long a period of time...
No reference to dictionary or anything... I don't want it polished, i want it to be selfishly mine.

Would probably dedicate this to Aidan who would be celebrating his birthday.. in time to come :)
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:iconhereticschizoid:
Excellent ending :nod: very strong.

I like the casual narration. It feels very personal. Like your friend is telling you a story... which lets you sorta relax and get into it.

Some of the rhyming is really good and some of it breaks the flow a little, but most of it is good.

The lines in parentheses really add to it as well. Focal points almost summarizing the poem.

Anyway, nice work :clap:

:highfive:
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:iconnosugarjustanger:
Thank you, I never thought you would think it's at least a good...

:peace: ;)
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:iconhereticschizoid:
=P it's more than good!! You've got an incredible gallery :nod:
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:iconpurple-carrot:
this is really great
alot of times i've felt like this guy, but sorta from a different point of view
one of those people that would envy him for all he has and seems to be
and the fact tha i amnot all that he is, or anything near it
i hate to look in the mirror, mostly cos of the person looking back at me, in such a bitter hatefilled stare

anyway, blah blah blah
i came accross you on ~manings page and thought your sig was great and had to check you out
not disapointed
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:iconnosugarjustanger:
i can relate to what you said... i feel sometimes, like i hate myself, like i am my own enemy..

:peace:
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:iconitheinfp:
What's even sadder about that situation is that for them it seems that they themselves are wrong so that makes it inescapable. It's like there is nothing they can look forward to doing because they will always be wrong.

Your poem certainly made me think. And it made me very sad. I like it very much.
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:iconnosugarjustanger:
I like your comment... thanks for thinking it through and appreciating my poetry, I'll check out your stuff and see what I can do..

:peace:
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:iconitheinfp:
Wow, this is unbelievable. It definitely grew on me. Took a couple of reads to really sink in. Such depth though. This is a subject that I think is one of the saddest. This poem addressed it very sensitively but profound and empathetically. It reminds me of those people who always pretend to be happy, who make a conscious effort to act happy around everyone. The people who pretend to be interested in things because they think their interests are wrong. The people who pretend not to care when really they're burning. I don't know if you have any experience with getting stoned, but it's the people who can't stop crying when they get stoned because, in my opinion, it's like a window into the soul, the subconscious. I think it's at least a portion the parents' fault as well. I always imagine their parents saying things like "don't be a sadsack." It makes me really sad that people feel they have to act in some way because if they were to act as themselves they think they would be left alone. I think the final stanza really succinctly shows this. It must be the worst thing in the world to wish you were someone else. To want to rid yourself of yourself.
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:iconbroyom:
Broyom Feb 17, 2005   Writer
The mirror stares at him
As he walks out of the illusion of the eye
That sees nothing but beauty,
Sees nothing that makes him ugly
Sees nothing that makes him real.



Great ending of a great poem, very beautiful :)
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:iconnosugarjustanger:
thank you.. I appreciate that. :blushes:
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