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Three months ago, I said that I was 128 pounds. Right now, I am 118 pounds and still, I think that I could potentially be thinner than this. I didn't do much to lose weight - I am currently working in a bar + restaurant full time and I think that the long hours are taking its toll on me in terms of my weight. But no complaints - I feel so much better now that I'm carrying less weight! Besides, I have been eating a lot more than I used to. Sometimes, I don't understand how the body works...

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I am currently seeing a new man (Kristian and I broke up cuz he had to travel to Mauritius to work for months.) and I am happy! We're not officially going out yet, but we definitely have something going on. He's 33 and working as a stockbroker. What a high-risk and stressful job. Nevertheless, he's one really sharp guy and it's such a turn-on. I am just happy to have someone to share my ups and downs with for now. It doesn't really matter that he's filthy rich cuz I don't look at him like an open bank account unlike some of my colleagues who keep telling me I am stupid for not making him spend on me. WTF? Can't stand their attitude towards love.

Weeks without sex. I feel like a virgin.

Clubs and Clubs

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It's going to be my 6th year of on/off bulimia. I haven't been too fucked up for the past few months. There were hard times when I would vomit every day just so I could feel some 'relief'. And then there's the guilt. The worst was years back when I would vomit over 10 times a day. I must've had broken my mom's heart. I can't understand why it happened. Swollen cheeks are not pretty.

However, I have been generally good. I am trying to get back to where I stayed for half a year (when I was 15) - vegetarian living. It's not easy. I'm not even attempting to be a full-time vegetarian, but I really enjoy my greens and tofu. And brown rice. And the occasional fillet mignons. Indirectly, I'm making my mom think about eating healthy too, which is good. Older people need better food.

2 months of quitting cigarettes and I lost 5 pounds. Quitting the smokes also mean I'm cutting down on my beer-and-vodka drinking sessions. It also means no more coffee-and-cigarettes afternoons instead of lunch. Just a change of habit, and everything changes with it.

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I am not sure how far I'm taking this. It feels great to be ultra-healthy. But it's not convenient to be obsessive about it. I can't believe I am checking out the menu to the Italian restaurant I'm going to for dinner with K. Checking out what I have in store for me.

Carbonara? No way.
Bolognese? Urgh.
Primavera - Yes, please.

Someone tell me why I cannot seem to find the perfect balance in my life. Just a month ago, I was eating french fries every day (and cutting out other types of food to save calories) because I was so in love with fries.

Just two months ago, I indulged in steamed brocollis and nothing much of anything else. Brocollis and cookies.

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5'6.5", 128 pounds after heavy lunch, and I feel myself craving to see the number getting lower, lower, low.

I hope to never, ever be 'addicted' to the taste of peanut butter or oils because that'll be so fucked up.

Clubs and Clubs

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Ah, a lot of Christmas decorations in the malls and everywhere. Tons of shopping and celebration is awaiting me!!!

From the top of my head, I am looking into getting presents for ~missy-star (Emily, my dearest friend all the way in Australia!) and some friends, a Christmas and 6th month anniversary gift for Kristian , a nice bag for Mom, a pint or two @ the local pub, 2 birthday parties to attend, an outdoor party, a nice dinner gathering, and more!! Mostly things that involves money and alcohol. BAH, just when I am fucking broke!

Anyways, the boyfriend and I are doing fine. (This goes out to you, `TerrorCookie!!) We just had the greatest time ever recently, loads of love happening *COUGH* and he's the greatest man ever. He actually got me some snus (you Scandinavians would be so familiar with the term) to help me get over my quitting cigarettes. Had steaks and coffees and ice creams and Japanese food, and I am so certain that we'll make it far together.

It feels good to feel so stable and certain, about anything, for once. I've never been with anyone as perfect (for me!) as he is, even though I know he's nothing perfect as I am! Judging from everything, it seems like I am fucking happy yea?

NO!!! I HAVE BEEN SO BUSY WITH WORK! FUCK, HOTEL LINE IS NOT FOR EVERYONE!! Tons of meeting, tons of paperwork and what nots. Fucker superiors breathing down your neck and deadlines and deadlines. If I could, I'd go back to years ago when I keep my earnings and work when I want and fuck when I want to. Fuck the limited free time and insufficient rest time. Fuck the world, I say.

But HELL YEA, November's been such a fast month for me! How are you guys? Hopefully you guys are getting laid TONS!! I wish for more in the coming future. That's my Christmas wish for myself and all of us here!

Cheers!!

Clubs and Clubs

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Eh, fuck all the bad relationships I had for the past few years of my teenage life - I've been very busy outside dA and I never got the time to say that I'm in a very stable and loving relationship right now for over 6 months and counting!

His name is Kristian and that is a very typical Norwegian name. But he's anything but typical. Love-wise, I'm just so happy - I can't ask for a better man who is both understanding and hardworking like him. I just feel like sharing about this, because it is indeed one of the few very important things that happened for the time I disappeared from dA, lol. We even managed to go to Bali for a holiday together.

I can't believe I'm with a guy who's 9 years my senior, but love is love, right? I've always liked older guys, anyways.

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How is everyone? Work is hell for me, but I'm feeling okay.. I guess. Hope everyone is doing great!

Cheers.

Clubs and Clubs

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well, i'm definitely in deep shit right now - when it comes to relationship. it is definitely confusing. mike's thinking of coming over in September and im like, oh my god excited yet i dunno how to deal with the anxiety and pain when he leaves.

you know what - i kinda feel so damn tired of having to deal with pain in relationships. why can't it be smooth-sailing and perfect?

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this is how fat my youngest cat is. she's just 2 years old and she weighs 15 pounds, no kidding.

but i love her.



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hopefully everyone is doing great. i have been on/off active here on dA - tons of things to handle in RL and it's not possible to be online so much!

Clubs and Clubs